It's an art blog.

So I have this severe distinction between my left and right brain. On the left side, I'm analytical, addicted to research, and deeply committed to logical consistency. On the right, I am passionate, quite eccentric, and completely entrenched in the creative process.

Sometimes I find it hard to balance the two. On writingevolution, I can analyze the feminist and activist issues I care about. My left brain is satisfied with it--but still, the right feels a little stifled. I also want to talk about art, and music. I want to explore my own work. I want to share random nonsense I find on the web. Which brings me here, to creativeevolutions (someone already took the name "creative evolution." Bastards.).

I spent the past several years working in the mental health field (you can get a feel for some of my experiences here and here). And I was good at what I did. I was good at crisis management, de-escalating, processing, and I even managed to genuinely help some of the people I worked with.

But as it happens, I got tired. There's a lot of 'ugly' out there, and I experienced so much in such a short amount of time that I just...reached my boiling point. That, and I got punched in the head. Four concussions in a lifetime are enough for me.

So I said "I'm done". I decided I needed to step back from helping people, from being a punching bag, from the politics inherent with the system. I decided I needed to get back to "me". And so, here I am-- pulling a 180, and completely changing careers.

I have always been an artist, and long been a musician. But as it often happens, these things somehow didn't seem "important" enough to pursue. I was taken in by the 'make money' culture, convinced that I should follow the more lucrative career path in order to support my dreams. It didn't feel wrong at the time, because I truly believed in what I was doing. Yet, once I lost my faith, the money and potential didn't matter any more. It wasn't enough.

My husband is a writer, and I am now officially: an artist. I will pursue this choice with the intensity of my past choices; completely committed, deeply passionate, single-minded and stubborn. I will follow it until it's impossible to go any further. And what comes after that, I can't even begin to know.

"I feel like I'm jumping off a cliff, when there's a heavy fog obscuring whatever lies below. Mostly, I don't know who I'll be after I jump. I don't know what's down there. I don't know where I'm going. I don't know what's waiting for me--but I know that the longer I cling to the side of this cliff, the more "stuck" I feel. The more I know I need to let go."

7/07/07